Read Between the Lines: Not everything may be revealed

When you adopt, internationally or domestically, you have to expect surprises.  You get reports about the children.  If domestic, they might tell the history.  One thing they will not go into is the after effects of the trauma the child might have suffered.  Say they write that a child has been sexually abused.  You might think that child would just need love and protection and everything will be okay.  That child will need therapy.  They may be angry because they do not know how to deal with their feelings.  Not only that, but if they are older, they might do the same things to younger siblings or children in the neighborhood.

Even international adoptions can have issues that are not in the reports.  We were in Guangzhou when our guide was called to an emergency.  A child who was about to age out was getting a chance to be adopted.
When the parents got there to adopt the child, she did not want to be adopted.  Did the orphanage tell her she was being adopted?  I wonder.  Wouldn't they have known this situation existed or did they hope she would go with the parents when they arrived.  Well they could not force the child to go.  Since she was of a certain age, China let the child make that decision.  If I were adopting a child of that age, I'd want to know that they wanted to be adopted.  I would ask if she knew that she was up for adoption and she wanted to be adopted.

We had those questions with our 7 year old.  When we saw her picture, we knew she needed a family.  She looked sad and lonely.  We imagined a shy, quiet child  Were even told that by the agency.  They said she was a tomboy, quiet, etc.  As soon as we saw her, we knew that she was the opposite of what we were told.  She was not shy and definitely not a tomboy.  They even told us she did not like pools.  Well, she jumped right in at the hotel.  I had to jump in to help her because she did not know how to swim.  We even asked Veronica if she knew she was coming home with us.  She stayed with Veronica the whole time.  She stayed with us at night but was right at her side the next day.  It was probably because we did not speak Mandarin.  When it was time to go, she was ready to come home with us.

What I am trying to say is that you have to read between the lines.  Expect some issues.  It happens.  I don't think anyone is trying to trick anyone.  I think most are just trying to find good homes for the children.  Once they are in a new setting, they will need help.  It will either come from the family or it may need to come from a therapist.  Just don't give up on them.  They have been through things that most children will never have to. They deserve a loving family that will not give up on them.