Thick Skin

Of the things we've learned from adoption is you need to grow thick skin.  You are going to be asked questions, get comments or just looks that are insensitive.  Either you're family/friends may not agree with what you are doing or where you are adopting from.  I worked with a person who made comments about international adoptions to my face, know that I have adopted three girls from China.  They said that they could not understand with all the children in America, why would people adopt internationally. 

I always found that comment ignorant.  Why?  I have adopted from America.  I know what it's like.  We prefer international adoption.  There are many reasons.  I would say that most states provide for children in the system.  In other countries, that may not be the same.  From our fostering days, I would say 75% of the kids that came into our house had been molested in some way.  Once that happens, it takes years of therapy to work with that child.  Not only that, but then you have to worry about that child trying to victimize others in the house.

If you want a healthy baby, it will probably cost as much as adopting from another country.  We tried for a baby, but there were not many of them in the state system.  They did have some you could adopt, but they had serious problems like crack addition or fetal alcohol syndrome.  From what we could tell, if a healthy baby came into the system for adoption, they would be sent to a organization that deals in healthy babies(baby brokers). 

As for looks, get ready.  Depending where you live and what biases may exist, you are going to get stares.  Down in Florida, it is not as bad.  We see a lot of blended families.  Following the looks will come the questions:  How much did they cost?  Why did their parents throw them away?  How could a parent get rid of a child? 

That is when you want to tell them to do the research.  For me, I see worse things in our news about how our people abandon children, like throwing them away in a dumpster or leaving them to die in a toilet.  I have seen my share of documentaries about China's One Child Policy and children.  I have also read about it.  I feel the parents generally leave the children where they can be found, usually at a hospital or in a public place.  I know that is not always the case, but it would be the same as saying that all Americans abandon there children at fire stations for the child's safety.