When adopting, this is a term you will learn about. It mainly comes from children that are over the age of 3. The prevailing wisdom is that if they do not form a bond by age 3, they may never form that bond. Our first child was perceived as have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). She liked to play by herself, she did not show emotions, etc. They even thought it might have been Autism. After many years, we did not even believe that one. In the end, it turned out to be a brain injury she suffered as a baby. Her symptoms mimicked other disorders.
Getting back to RAD. Our third daughter has it. We knew from seeing her in China that there would be some issues. I think that came from all of the children we saw when we were foster parents. She displayed this sweet wholesome side, but you could see it was an act. I think this came from the orphanage. It was part of her survival skills. Over time, we have seem what RAD is. She talks back to us, she is not into hugging, she constantly tries to disrupt the house (she did this more in the beginning), etc. At sometimes, it was like living with the child from the movie The Good Son or Orphan. These movies take a situation like this and exaggerate it by 10. Some people can handle it. We sought our therapy. We have been going for many years.
When people can't handle it, they do bad things. They hurt their child, they punish them in ways that escalate, finally, some go so far as to try and give their child away. We would never do that. We brought this child into our family. She is our daughter. We only want the best for her. Although I have a lot more grey hair, I still love my daughter. If you do adopt, be prepared. Not every child is going to be happy about their new families. You have to work with them. Don't let them get under your skin or try to set one parent against the other. Both parents should have a game plan and be on the same page. If it gets to be hard, seek out help.
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